For Anatoly

[capable_of]

When Lex had left that morning to go up to the compound for a shower and to grab some lunch, he hadn't even thought about picking up his room in Helen's hut. Sure, with Lex's obsessive streak it was tidier then most, but he wasn't so neurotic that he couldn't leave stuff out and return to put it away later. His fencing gear was stacked in the corner, ready to be cleaned and put away after his morning sparring session with Helen and a lesson with Robin as an afternoon project once he returned.

During the lesson with Robin, Lex had been hit with a wave of sentimentality of trying to teach Anatoly the basic forms once day after the Russian had asked. So a few other items had been taken out that morning and had been left to be put in their rightful place when he returned. On the small dresser, the drawing by Lucifer was spread out and on top of it was a lonely chess pieces next to two stacked wedding rings and a pair of masks, one purple and one red. The top drawer was open to reveal books about chess and of Russian poetry, next to a red t-shirt. One book of Russian poetry was laying next to the drawing, obviously well read and not only from a time spent in bed with the chicken pox. In fact, all of the items had the air about them of being often touched and looked at, well loved while being well taken care of.

They sat waiting, to be put away...or to be found.

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[chesspolitik]

Anatoly listened to Lex, his expression changing from confusion to anxiety to surprise as his story developed. To be still reeling from the aftermath of what Lionel had done to be faced with the discovery of being from some tv show and then witnessing your future... he could only begin to imagine what that must have been like.

But through it all, hearing what the future Lex had done and said, Anatoly had only one thought running through his mind. It hadn't happened yet, Lex had come here to the island instead. That meant the future had been changed, and the Lex on that screen was not the Lex before him now and that made all the difference in the world.

"That Lex you saw was not you," he began slowly, feeling his heartbeat echo in his ears. "He never came here, never experienced the things you did. And even if - it doesn't matter what was or will be. What matters is now, and I love you. And if you love me too, then you will let me make the choice about whether or not I want to be with you. And I do."

He cared about Roger very much, this is true. But he was not in love with him and never could be while his heart belonged so much to Lex.

[capable-of.livejournal.com]

Lex's stance had been rigid and straight when he'd finished talking with his final declaration for Anatoly to leave. But as the Russian spoke, his shoulder didn't so much slump, as gradually loosen as dread piled into the pit of Lex's stomach. Anatoly was pushing him into a corner and Lex didn't know how to get out.

Because that was the thing. While he implied and let Anatoly believe it, the one lie he hadn't been able to bring himself to voice was that he didn't love Anatoly. Something from the very core of him wouldn't let him actually say the words because it meant so much to him. And even now, when he really wished he could lie, to be a Luthor to the very core, to save Anatoly from his shadow...he found he wasn't strong enough. He liked to think his mother would be proud.

It was a long, quiet moment before Lex spoke, in a voice low but thick with emotion. "If your fool enough to love someone whose destiny will destroy you..." and then he turned around to face Anatoly again, pawn still in his hand and his eyes wide, "Then it must be love because I'm an even bigger fool to let you."

Lex didn't quite believe in what Anatoly had said, about him being different, but he couldn't bring himself to care anymore. And while he wasn't sorry for trying... he did deeply regret all the hurt he caused. He paused again, swallowed, then held out his empty hand to Anatoly. "Tolya...Forgive me?."

[chesspolitik]

For a moment, Anatoly was sure that his words would be for nothing, that Lex would break his heart all over again and somehow he would have to find the strength to walk out of the hut and never look back. But he saw how Lex's shoulders relaxed and he allowed himself to hope...

And then Lex held his hand out to him and spoke in Russian and he knew that things would be right again. It might have not been those three words, but the fact that he'd admitted to the most important word of all was telling.

"I do," he answered, pulling Lex close to him and holding him tightly. There was still much more they needed to talk about, but this was enough for now. It was, if he was honest, more than he'd ever thought he'd have again.

[capable-of.livejournal.com]

It was a long time before Lex had any desire to move from that spot, hands holding Anatoly just as tightly as he was being held. He buried his head in the Russian's shoulder to hide the war of emotion that wanted to erupt. And as he stood there, with everything he'd ever wanted his again, he wondered why the hell he'd tried to do with out it.

Finally, he pulled back slightly so he could lift his head and kiss Anatoly, sweetly and completely full of love. Because while those three words were the hardest for him to say, Lex had other ways of communicating them.