For Anatoly

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When Lex had left that morning to go up to the compound for a shower and to grab some lunch, he hadn't even thought about picking up his room in Helen's hut. Sure, with Lex's obsessive streak it was tidier then most, but he wasn't so neurotic that he couldn't leave stuff out and return to put it away later. His fencing gear was stacked in the corner, ready to be cleaned and put away after his morning sparring session with Helen and a lesson with Robin as an afternoon project once he returned.

During the lesson with Robin, Lex had been hit with a wave of sentimentality of trying to teach Anatoly the basic forms once day after the Russian had asked. So a few other items had been taken out that morning and had been left to be put in their rightful place when he returned. On the small dresser, the drawing by Lucifer was spread out and on top of it was a lonely chess pieces next to two stacked wedding rings and a pair of masks, one purple and one red. The top drawer was open to reveal books about chess and of Russian poetry, next to a red t-shirt. One book of Russian poetry was laying next to the drawing, obviously well read and not only from a time spent in bed with the chicken pox. In fact, all of the items had the air about them of being often touched and looked at, well loved while being well taken care of.

They sat waiting, to be put away...or to be found.

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[chesspolitik]

He'd meant to question Lex earlier, but between dealing with Freddie and the recent trauma inflicted by the Island, Anatoly hadn't been in a position to deal with it. But there was time now, time to find out why Lex would have warned Freddie off. He didn't care, did he? He'd said as much, after all.

He wasn't sure what he'd expected when peering into Lex's room, but a whole shrine devoted to him was not it. He stared, unable to make sense of it all.

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"What are you doing here?"

Came Lex's voice from right behind Anatoly. He'd managed to keep all the fear and annoyance he'd felt when he had seen the Russian in the door of his room out of his voice, instead trying for something more flat and menacing. This was...unexpected and Lex was met with the unfamiliar feeling of having no idea what to do. That and fear. Pure, cold fear.

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Startled, Anatoly whirled around. He took a deep breath, trying to regain his equilibrium before meeting his eyes. "I was looking for you."

What was this? Why did Lex have all of these things? He wasn't so sure he wanted to know, but he'd come this far. One way or another, he'd have his answers and then he could go and try to forget all of this.

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As Anatoly turned to face him, Lex glanced over his shoulder through the door to see everything laying out still. He bit back a sigh as his brain scrambled for an explanation. Though perhaps just admitting his obsessiveness would be enough to send Anatoly back to his Rock Star to never return. It's what he wanted wasn't it?

"I think I got that by the fact of you being here. Now, what are you doing here?" He asked again, dryly.

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"You warned Freddie off of me. Why?" The question had come out more bluntly then he'd meant it too, but he was so tired of half-truths and evasions. He didn't want to fight, either - he just wanted answers.

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Oh. That. That which Anatoly was not supposed to find out about. Apparently, Trumper couldn't keep his fucking mouth shut, something which Lex would have to fix in the near future.

But for the moment, he just shrugged easily. "Seemed like the thing to do at the time. Thought it would be amusing to torture him a little. Why? Did you think it had something to do with you?" He said as if it were nothing, moving around Anatoly to go into his room. "Is that all you wanted?"

[chesspolitik]

Anatoly looked at Lex skeptically. He could easily believe that Lex would clash with Freddie (was there a person here who didn't?) but to actively warn him away? Something wasn't quite right.

"He is my rival, not yours. Why do you care what he does?" He gestured at the objects so artfully displayed. "You say it has nothing to do with me but you say that and you have these things of mine... tell me, Lex. What am I supposed to think?"

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"I don't care. As I said, I was just playing with him for fun. You are the one who accused me of liking my games to much before you threw a chessboard at me, remember?" Lex replied pointedly, hoping to evoke that same anger in Anatoly. He'd rather the anger then this questioning of Lex's motives.

He didn't respond to having the objects of Anatoly's, not wanting to distract from the goal of making Anatoly furious enough to leave. That, and Lex didn't know how to explain it.

[chesspolitik]

"I remember," Anatoly said evenly. Hhe was a little angry, yes, but it was more over the entire situation then Lex's words. He was aiming to keep control of his temper this time. It might be a futile hope given how often he'd failed at doing the same with Freddie but he was going to try.

"That still doesn't explain why you would tell him to leave me alone."

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Lex rolled his eyes, both as part of the act and at Anatoly keeping his temper. "Because I knew he wouldn't be able too, thus giving me a reason to enact retribution. Threats have no merit without conditions and I knew it was one he would fail at, continuing my fun. The fact that it was you was consequential, nothing more."

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"And these things you've collected?" Anatoly crossed his arms, letting a little of his irritation show. "Explain how my pawn and wedding ring have nothing to do with me."

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Shit.

"Trophies." Was the first thing that came to mind and thus the first thing out of his mouth. "I've told you, I have a highly obsessive nature. It's a product of one of my own failings. Satisfied?" Lex couldn't make himself elaborate without giving anything away so he made his voice sound as dismissive as possible, while keeping his own growing anger at bay.

It was like explaining to Helen about the room devoted to Clark all over again. How it really was about him and keeping his mind centered on something that wasn't dangerous.

[chesspolitik]

"Trophies. Was that all I - it was to you? What did you think, that you could just take things and that I would never find out?" Anatoly lashed out, feeling used and humiliated. He'd fallen in love, the very thing he'd swore he'd never do again. He'd thought Lex had felt the same... but it seemed he'd been wrong. Very wrong.

"I thought... I thought better of you."

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"You seem to be answering your own questions. What is it that you want me to say?" Of course, just because Anatoly was answering them, didn't make them true, but Lex had to let Anatoly believe it, even if he was having a hard time reigning in his own anger. It seemed like Anatoly was painting him into a corner, catching him in his lies of omission and Lex was honestly afraid of what would happen when he finally lashed out.

Then he chuckled darkly, almost hysterically, "So did a lot of people. Seems I'm doomed to disappointment you all." Himself included.

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Anatoly ran a hand through his hair, caught between anger and despair over his own foolishness. "The truth, Lex. Don't you think I deserve that much from you? None of your half-truths or avoiding the subject. You know, I - no. No. I don't want to know."

He started to leave then turned back to face Lex, crossing his arms. "I don't need you to tell me what a fool I am for loving you."

[capable-of.livejournal.com]

Unable to help himself, the almost hysterical chuckling turning into fully hysterical laughter and it took Lex a moment to catch his breath. "You want the truth. You really want the truth? Fine. Then let me tell you about the man you fell in love with." His voice was twisted and dark, caught between anger, despair and a slight bit of insanity. Time to prove himself right...that Anatoly wouldn't be able to handle the truth. He'd tried to save the other man from this, but now he had no choice it seemed.

"I couldn't sleep still, after the drugs. I was plagued by nightmares of my brother, of the night in the woods, of shooting at you, at my father. Even that fucking bastard Superman, who I technically haven't even met despite him and Clark being the same man. I didn't want to wake you, so I went for a walk up to the Compound. There in the rec room was an image of my father, projected larger then life on the wall. It seems the island wanted to show me where I come from, a tv show called, aptly enough, Smallville."

The laughter was back for a moment as Lex turned away from Anatoly, unable to look at the man as he told the next part. He reached out and grabbed the pawn from the dresser to run through his fingers. "Unable to help my insatiable curiosity, I turned it on. And I watched my future, as I murdered my father by pushing him out of a 40 story window. In cold blood because he wanted to help me off the dark path I'd strayed off on. And before I sent him hurtling to the pavement below, I told him that while I may have grown up in his shadow, he was going to die in mine."

He paused for a moment before he spoke again, his voice saner now, but also colder and tireder. "I am the man everyone expects me to be. I do enjoy the games I play, as much as it sickens me. And I'm not going to take anyone else down in my shadow, no matter how much I love them. So now that you have your truth, get out." Lex didn't turn around, not wanting to see Anatoly leave, hopefully for good this time.

[chesspolitik]

Anatoly listened to Lex, his expression changing from confusion to anxiety to surprise as his story developed. To be still reeling from the aftermath of what Lionel had done to be faced with the discovery of being from some tv show and then witnessing your future... he could only begin to imagine what that must have been like.

But through it all, hearing what the future Lex had done and said, Anatoly had only one thought running through his mind. It hadn't happened yet, Lex had come here to the island instead. That meant the future had been changed, and the Lex on that screen was not the Lex before him now and that made all the difference in the world.

"That Lex you saw was not you," he began slowly, feeling his heartbeat echo in his ears. "He never came here, never experienced the things you did. And even if - it doesn't matter what was or will be. What matters is now, and I love you. And if you love me too, then you will let me make the choice about whether or not I want to be with you. And I do."

He cared about Roger very much, this is true. But he was not in love with him and never could be while his heart belonged so much to Lex.

[capable-of.livejournal.com]

Lex's stance had been rigid and straight when he'd finished talking with his final declaration for Anatoly to leave. But as the Russian spoke, his shoulder didn't so much slump, as gradually loosen as dread piled into the pit of Lex's stomach. Anatoly was pushing him into a corner and Lex didn't know how to get out.

Because that was the thing. While he implied and let Anatoly believe it, the one lie he hadn't been able to bring himself to voice was that he didn't love Anatoly. Something from the very core of him wouldn't let him actually say the words because it meant so much to him. And even now, when he really wished he could lie, to be a Luthor to the very core, to save Anatoly from his shadow...he found he wasn't strong enough. He liked to think his mother would be proud.

It was a long, quiet moment before Lex spoke, in a voice low but thick with emotion. "If your fool enough to love someone whose destiny will destroy you..." and then he turned around to face Anatoly again, pawn still in his hand and his eyes wide, "Then it must be love because I'm an even bigger fool to let you."

Lex didn't quite believe in what Anatoly had said, about him being different, but he couldn't bring himself to care anymore. And while he wasn't sorry for trying... he did deeply regret all the hurt he caused. He paused again, swallowed, then held out his empty hand to Anatoly. "Tolya...Forgive me?."

[chesspolitik]

For a moment, Anatoly was sure that his words would be for nothing, that Lex would break his heart all over again and somehow he would have to find the strength to walk out of the hut and never look back. But he saw how Lex's shoulders relaxed and he allowed himself to hope...

And then Lex held his hand out to him and spoke in Russian and he knew that things would be right again. It might have not been those three words, but the fact that he'd admitted to the most important word of all was telling.

"I do," he answered, pulling Lex close to him and holding him tightly. There was still much more they needed to talk about, but this was enough for now. It was, if he was honest, more than he'd ever thought he'd have again.

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It was a long time before Lex had any desire to move from that spot, hands holding Anatoly just as tightly as he was being held. He buried his head in the Russian's shoulder to hide the war of emotion that wanted to erupt. And as he stood there, with everything he'd ever wanted his again, he wondered why the hell he'd tried to do with out it.

Finally, he pulled back slightly so he could lift his head and kiss Anatoly, sweetly and completely full of love. Because while those three words were the hardest for him to say, Lex had other ways of communicating them.