For Anatoly
Jun. 21st, 2010 09:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
When Lex had left that morning to go up to the compound for a shower and to grab some lunch, he hadn't even thought about picking up his room in Helen's hut. Sure, with Lex's obsessive streak it was tidier then most, but he wasn't so neurotic that he couldn't leave stuff out and return to put it away later. His fencing gear was stacked in the corner, ready to be cleaned and put away after his morning sparring session with Helen and a lesson with Robin as an afternoon project once he returned.
During the lesson with Robin, Lex had been hit with a wave of sentimentality of trying to teach Anatoly the basic forms once day after the Russian had asked. So a few other items had been taken out that morning and had been left to be put in their rightful place when he returned. On the small dresser, the drawing by Lucifer was spread out and on top of it was a lonely chess pieces next to two stacked wedding rings and a pair of masks, one purple and one red. The top drawer was open to reveal books about chess and of Russian poetry, next to a red t-shirt. One book of Russian poetry was laying next to the drawing, obviously well read and not only from a time spent in bed with the chicken pox. In fact, all of the items had the air about them of being often touched and looked at, well loved while being well taken care of.
They sat waiting, to be put away...or to be found.
During the lesson with Robin, Lex had been hit with a wave of sentimentality of trying to teach Anatoly the basic forms once day after the Russian had asked. So a few other items had been taken out that morning and had been left to be put in their rightful place when he returned. On the small dresser, the drawing by Lucifer was spread out and on top of it was a lonely chess pieces next to two stacked wedding rings and a pair of masks, one purple and one red. The top drawer was open to reveal books about chess and of Russian poetry, next to a red t-shirt. One book of Russian poetry was laying next to the drawing, obviously well read and not only from a time spent in bed with the chicken pox. In fact, all of the items had the air about them of being often touched and looked at, well loved while being well taken care of.
They sat waiting, to be put away...or to be found.
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 29th, 2010 11:13 pm (UTC)He wasn't sure what he'd expected when peering into Lex's room, but a whole shrine devoted to him was not it. He stared, unable to make sense of it all.
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 29th, 2010 11:41 pm (UTC)Came Lex's voice from right behind Anatoly. He'd managed to keep all the fear and annoyance he'd felt when he had seen the Russian in the door of his room out of his voice, instead trying for something more flat and menacing. This was...unexpected and Lex was met with the unfamiliar feeling of having no idea what to do. That and fear. Pure, cold fear.
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 29th, 2010 11:57 pm (UTC)What was this? Why did Lex have all of these things? He wasn't so sure he wanted to know, but he'd come this far. One way or another, he'd have his answers and then he could go and try to forget all of this.
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 30th, 2010 12:06 am (UTC)"I think I got that by the fact of you being here. Now, what are you doing here?" He asked again, dryly.
(no subject)
Date: Jun. 30th, 2010 09:55 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Jun. 30th, 2010 11:17 pm (UTC)But for the moment, he just shrugged easily. "Seemed like the thing to do at the time. Thought it would be amusing to torture him a little. Why? Did you think it had something to do with you?" He said as if it were nothing, moving around Anatoly to go into his room. "Is that all you wanted?"
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 1st, 2010 10:05 pm (UTC)"He is my rival, not yours. Why do you care what he does?" He gestured at the objects so artfully displayed. "You say it has nothing to do with me but you say that and you have these things of mine... tell me, Lex. What am I supposed to think?"
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 1st, 2010 10:22 pm (UTC)He didn't respond to having the objects of Anatoly's, not wanting to distract from the goal of making Anatoly furious enough to leave. That, and Lex didn't know how to explain it.
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 1st, 2010 10:33 pm (UTC)"That still doesn't explain why you would tell him to leave me alone."
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 1st, 2010 10:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Jul. 1st, 2010 11:03 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: Jul. 1st, 2010 11:13 pm (UTC)"Trophies." Was the first thing that came to mind and thus the first thing out of his mouth. "I've told you, I have a highly obsessive nature. It's a product of one of my own failings. Satisfied?" Lex couldn't make himself elaborate without giving anything away so he made his voice sound as dismissive as possible, while keeping his own growing anger at bay.
It was like explaining to Helen about the room devoted to Clark all over again. How it really was about him and keeping his mind centered on something that wasn't dangerous.
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 2nd, 2010 09:13 pm (UTC)"I thought... I thought better of you."
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 2nd, 2010 09:30 pm (UTC)Then he chuckled darkly, almost hysterically, "So did a lot of people. Seems I'm doomed to disappointment you all." Himself included.
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 3rd, 2010 04:41 pm (UTC)He started to leave then turned back to face Lex, crossing his arms. "I don't need you to tell me what a fool I am for loving you."
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 3rd, 2010 05:23 pm (UTC)"I couldn't sleep still, after the drugs. I was plagued by nightmares of my brother, of the night in the woods, of shooting at you, at my father. Even that fucking bastard Superman, who I technically haven't even met despite him and Clark being the same man. I didn't want to wake you, so I went for a walk up to the Compound. There in the rec room was an image of my father, projected larger then life on the wall. It seems the island wanted to show me where I come from, a tv show called, aptly enough, Smallville."
The laughter was back for a moment as Lex turned away from Anatoly, unable to look at the man as he told the next part. He reached out and grabbed the pawn from the dresser to run through his fingers. "Unable to help my insatiable curiosity, I turned it on. And I watched my future, as I murdered my father by pushing him out of a 40 story window. In cold blood because he wanted to help me off the dark path I'd strayed off on. And before I sent him hurtling to the pavement below, I told him that while I may have grown up in his shadow, he was going to die in mine."
He paused for a moment before he spoke again, his voice saner now, but also colder and tireder. "I am the man everyone expects me to be. I do enjoy the games I play, as much as it sickens me. And I'm not going to take anyone else down in my shadow, no matter how much I love them. So now that you have your truth, get out." Lex didn't turn around, not wanting to see Anatoly leave, hopefully for good this time.
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 4th, 2010 03:30 pm (UTC)But through it all, hearing what the future Lex had done and said, Anatoly had only one thought running through his mind. It hadn't happened yet, Lex had come here to the island instead. That meant the future had been changed, and the Lex on that screen was not the Lex before him now and that made all the difference in the world.
"That Lex you saw was not you," he began slowly, feeling his heartbeat echo in his ears. "He never came here, never experienced the things you did. And even if - it doesn't matter what was or will be. What matters is now, and I love you. And if you love me too, then you will let me make the choice about whether or not I want to be with you. And I do."
He cared about Roger very much, this is true. But he was not in love with him and never could be while his heart belonged so much to Lex.
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 5th, 2010 12:33 am (UTC)Because that was the thing. While he implied and let Anatoly believe it, the one lie he hadn't been able to bring himself to voice was that he didn't love Anatoly. Something from the very core of him wouldn't let him actually say the words because it meant so much to him. And even now, when he really wished he could lie, to be a Luthor to the very core, to save Anatoly from his shadow...he found he wasn't strong enough. He liked to think his mother would be proud.
It was a long, quiet moment before Lex spoke, in a voice low but thick with emotion. "If your fool enough to love someone whose destiny will destroy you..." and then he turned around to face Anatoly again, pawn still in his hand and his eyes wide, "Then it must be love because I'm an even bigger fool to let you."
Lex didn't quite believe in what Anatoly had said, about him being different, but he couldn't bring himself to care anymore. And while he wasn't sorry for trying... he did deeply regret all the hurt he caused. He paused again, swallowed, then held out his empty hand to Anatoly. "Tolya...Forgive me?."
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 5th, 2010 01:30 am (UTC)And then Lex held his hand out to him and spoke in Russian and he knew that things would be right again. It might have not been those three words, but the fact that he'd admitted to the most important word of all was telling.
"I do," he answered, pulling Lex close to him and holding him tightly. There was still much more they needed to talk about, but this was enough for now. It was, if he was honest, more than he'd ever thought he'd have again.
(no subject)
Date: Jul. 5th, 2010 01:40 am (UTC)Finally, he pulled back slightly so he could lift his head and kiss Anatoly, sweetly and completely full of love. Because while those three words were the hardest for him to say, Lex had other ways of communicating them.