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[capable_of]

It was near the middle of the night and Lex couldn't sleep. It wasn't the same drug induced jitters that had kept him up the week before, just his mind wouldn't shut off. Thinking back on everything and trying to reminder what he couldn't. The night in the jungle was still mostly a blank spot, no matter how many questions Dr. Devlin asked him. Unfortunately, he did vaguely remember shouting on the beach at Anatoly, between aiming gun shots at his feet and the one conversation with his father. It was one long nightmare of all his worst fears with bits and pieces missing.

So he'd decided on a midnight stroll, so as not to wake Anatoly and worry him, which eventually brought him to the Compound, his thoughts wandering the whole time, not really on any one thing. He figured a snack couldn't hurt before returning to the hut and so he entered the building and headed for the kitchen. As he passed the rec room, he glanced inside...and had to stop and stare at the movie screen. It was set up and on...paused on an image for his father getting out of a limo.

Lex immediately walked into the room, wondering who could have done this. "Hello?" He said into the dark space, looking for the culprit, but none of the shadows moved. Whoever had set this up for him to find, because who else could it be for, was long gone. Then his eyes looked to the reel container, sitting next to the projector. It's title read Smallville: Descent. He was familiar with the title, as it was one of the many the bookshelf offered him, but for some reason, he'd shied away from it. He'd watched the others, the many Superman movies, a TV show called Lois & Clark (another farce which had given him hair the wrong color), even the couple different animated ones, including one where a hero called the Flash had had an eerily familiar voice. Maybe it was because so much had happened to him in Smallville that he didn't dare watch anything to do with the dreaded town...but that decision had clearly been changed for him, since Lex had known the moment he walked into the room that his curiosity wouldn't let him turn it off.

Moving slowly from anticipation as well as to avoid things in the dark, Lex flicked on the projector and sat on the arm of the couch next to it.

So far, things were familiar. His father, with shorter hair, entering his office at LutherCorp when a familiar voice came out of the darkness. Lex's own voice...though it seemed deeper and colder. Absent of something he couldn't put his finger on. Lex wouldn't admit it, but he gasped softly, when an image of himself stepped out of the shadows, saying something about King Arthur. This...This wasn't a version of him played by Gene Hackman or Kevin Spacey. This dark person was him. This Smallville was his reality.

He blinked and his eyes re-glued to the screen. Lionel was loose and unsure, a sight Lex had hardly ever seen. And he looked...afraid of the Lex who was bearing down on him with cold accusations about some Traveler. He watched his father clearly lie in the face of the accusations, trying to cover his tracks...but this dark version of himself didn't believe him. It was almost like a turnabout...Lex the one in control and Lionel scrambling. When the gun came out...Lex was sure that this version, this man with his face straight out of every nightmare Lex had ever had, meant to use it on Lionel. This Lionel who spoke of trying to save Lex from a dark path, a dark path that Lex had been fighting his whole life...and clearly lost the battle.

When the gun fired and hit the window, Lex jumped slightly. And then the words in his voice coming from the screen rang in his ears...

"I was raised in your shadow. Now you're going to die in mine. No one will even remember your name."

And he watched as he pushed his father out a 40 story window without a flinch.

---

Heaving as hard as he could, Lex threw the reel of film out into the dark ocean. Yes, he knew that the bookshelf could make it appear as many times as it wanted, but at least that reel would never be seen again.

After the dull thump of his father hitting the pavement, Lex had reached over and made to flick the switch, but he fumbled due to the dark and his heart being in his throat. A garish pop song started playing as the opening credits and if he had any doubt this was his reality, they showed his Clark Kent with the name Tom Welling. It was then he got the switch to turn off, but not before he spotted the name of his own actor with a severe image of himself all in black; Michael Rosenbaum. He nearly laughed when his first thought was that the name sounded Jewish...and the second was that he wondered what color hair the man had.

Then he'd sat in the dark for what felt like a long time, thinking over what this meant, coupled with the events of the previous week. So many things had gone through his head, but it always came back to one basic thing: This was his future. The darkness in him had consumed him, just as he'd always feared it would and there was no drugs involved this time. He wasn't the exception Lex Luthor...he was very much the rule.

Once Lex could think straight again, he'd made a plan. And tossing the film reel into the ocean had been the first step. Now, it was on to the much harder second.

His cold voice still rang in his ears. My father may have died in my shadow, he thought to himself, his mental voice having since taken on the same tone from the reel as he gave in to the inevitable, But I will not pull anyone else down in it..

---

The sun was beginning to rise as Lex entered the hut. He didn't even glance at the bed as he dropped the bag he coaxed from the clothes box next to the chest where they kept their clothe and began pulling clothes out to repack.

He wasn't thinking about anything, or his fear or his emotions would overwhelm him and he wouldn't be able to do this...and he had to do this. It was best...for everyone.

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[chesspolitik]

The light drew Anatoly out of his dreamless sleep and he stirred, rolling onto his side and automatically reached for Lex. Finding emptiness where there should have been a warm body, he opened his eyes and sat up in shock once he registered what he was seeing.

"Lex? What are you doing?"

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That voice. He could picture how Anatoly looked; his curls all astray and sun-kissed, his cheeks dark with stubble. But Lex would not look. The plan forged in darkness could very well fall apart in the light of day and Lex couldn't afford to let it.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" He said, trying to imitate the voice from the film, flat and cold, but just unable too. It deeply scared him at how empty it had been and he couldn't imagine what could have happened to make it that way.

[chesspolitik]

Anatoly slid out of the bed, reaching blindly for his boxers and slipping them on. He reached for Lex's shoulder, trying to ignore the surge of panic that was running through him. There was some other explanation - there had to be.

"You're... Why are you packing?" He tried to turn Lex towards him, to get him to meet his eyes. "What happened?"

[capable-of.livejournal.com]

Lex shrugged off Anatoly's hand and bit down a laugh at the question, though a dark chuckle did escape. "Nothing happened." It was essentially the truth, besides having his entire world tipped on his head. "I've just come to my senses."

[chesspolitik]

"Your senses?" Anatony stared at him incredulously, unable to believe his ears. This wasn't really happening. This couldn't be happening. "Sascha, please. If this about what happened with your father... you know that doesn't matter. It was the drugs making you act that way. I trust you."

[capable-of.livejournal.com]

Now Lex did laugh, his own hysteria leaking into it.. And it hurt every second because he knew how much it was hurting the sweet man next to him. He was surprised Anatoly couldn't hear his heart beating.

"Then your a fool." Putting on the persona he normally reserved for his father, Lex finally turned to look at Anatoly, hoping his eyes didn't give him away. But then, one reminder of the cold voice speaking of shadows and a veil was easily thrown over his gaze. "The drugs were a wake up call. I'm wasting my time here."

He finished back his clothes and moved to take his books off the books shelf, pointedly leaving anything about chess or in Russian.

[chesspolitik]

Anatoly recoiled from the harsh look in Lex's eyes. In that moment, he was very much reminded of Lionel and it was clear there was nothing he could do or say that could persuade Lex to change his mind. The love of his life was leaving, and all he could do was watch.

He'd been down this road before, but it'd always been him doing the leaving. Now that it was the other way around, he couldn't help but wonder if this was how Svetlana or Florence had felt - this feeling of helpless and rage and heartbreak.

It was on the tip of his tongue to plead and say those three little words but his sense of pride stopped him. Perhaps he had been the fool to have forgotten that nothing lasts, love least of all.

He ran his hands through his hair and stumbled backwards toward the bed, sitting down with a thump. He kept his eyes focused on the floor, knowing it was the only way to keep what was left of his shattered dignity intact.

[capable-of.livejournal.com]

When Anatoly backed off, Lex immediately went back to what he was doing. The more he spent in the Russian's company, the less likely he was to go through with this. He knew this was hurting Anatoly...but he'd get over it and it was for the best. For them both. Because Lex was going to be damned if he took Anatoly down with him.

So shutting Anatoly out, Lex resumed collecting his things until the bag was by the door and he had his brief case in hand as he moved to The Drawer that was Never Opened. He opened it quickly and looked at the contents inside. Clark's shirt was stuffed into the case and then Lex's hand clasped around two wedding rings rather then one. He needed something of Anatoly's...something to remind him. And the ring was probably one of the few things Anatoly wouldn't notice was missing. Both went into his pocket as he shut the drawer and turned around.

Aeneas was waking up by now in his small bed, but Lex paid him no mind. The puppy was another thing that could break his resolve and he was almost through this.

Once he was at the door, he said over his shoulder, "This is for the best. One day you will understand that." Then he picked up both bags and walked out.

He managed to get half way to the Compound, before he fell to his knees and threw up in a bush.