capable_of | (no subject)

When Lex woke up that morning, sprawled out in a bed in the compound, he was at first disoriented. What was he doing here, instead of back in his bed in his hut with Anatoly?

He sat up and looked for his clothes, when all of his memories of the past month crashed down on him. His head fell into his hands as he remembered every insult he'd said and arrogant thing he'd done. What's more, it chilled him to remember that how he'd acted before he'd met Clark. Before he'd a role model on how to act like a normal human being, much less a good one.

The ones the especially hurt were the things he'd said and done to Anatoly. He knew he'd hurt him, every word meant as a weapon. Even not being able to remember, how could he do such a thing? As he sat there on the bed, he contemplated what to do. He wondered if he should even bother going back, as it seemed like no matter what he did, he was destined to hurt the man he loved.

But he remembered a promise he'd made two years ago, about never trying to leave again. So, no matter if he might be thrown out as a result, he steeled him, got dressed, had a cup of a coffee and then made the walk back to the hut he, hopefully, still shared with Anatoly.

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Anatoly heard footsteps outside his hut and curiously looked up from the book he had been trying to read. The girls were out walking Aeneas and he wasn't expecting them back for awhile yet. He was not expecting anyone else at this time of the day and he couldn't imagine who might be coming to visit.

He froze when he saw Lex, his heart beating rapidly. He had not been back to the hut since he had walked out of it a month ago and Anatoly couldn't begin to imagine why he had returned. Lex had enjoyed tormenting him, he knew, but surely that amusement had gone stale. From the rumors he heard, there were plenty of other people Lex could hunt, there was no reason for him to come back here.

He took a breath in an attempt to calm himself and presented a smile that did not reach his eyes. "Hello, Lex."

The smile that wasn't quite a smile was just another blow to his heart. But then, Lex considered himself lucky that Anatoly was even talking to him after what he'd done the past month.

"Anatoly....I'm so sorry. I don't know if you can forgive me after this past month...but please know that I am so sorry for everything I said and did..."

Anatoly stared at Lex for a moment, wondering if this was a dream. He had been on the verge of giving up on the hope that Lex's memory would return and now here he was, saying words that seemed to suggest just that.

"You... you remember now?" He took a step towards Lex then stopped. This could be some kind of trick to cause him further humiliation. The look on Lex's face was genuine and his bearing apologetic. It was true. His Lex was back.

He moved forward again and clung to Lex as tightly as they could. They had to talk, there was no doubt about that but he just wanted to hold Lex and not let go for a long while.

As Anatoly stared, Lex could only stare back, waiting for the reaction that would determine his fate. Whether or not a month of him acting like an asshole had ruined the best thing he'd ever had in his life.

He didn't even bother answering and instead just clung right back to Anatoly, so eternally grateful for this and, hopefully, being forgiven.

"You told me once about how you were before you met Clark," Anatoly murmured softly after a long while. "I confess that I did not believe it could have been quite so bad. I see that I was wrong."

He had many mixed feelings about Clark Kent but he had to admit that his friendship with Lex had been a very good thing.

Sighing into those beloved curls, Lex kept his eyes closed and his voice actually showed his strain. His terror at not being forgiven. "Clark may have started it but never doubt that I am the man I am today because of you. I can't go back to that as long as I have you."

And now he sounded desperate but he didn't care. Lex knew his past and his future. This is what he needed to stay sane.

"You have me," Anatoly reassured Lex hoarsely, trying not to let the impending tears fall. Lex was home and he was not letting him go - that was simply all there was to it. "You will always have me, no matter what. I promise you this."

"I am not a good person so I don't know what I did to deserve this." Lex never believed in chances because he'd never been given one. He had always been seen as a Luthor and expected to act as such. Acting out of character only earned distrust. So he honestly didn't know what to think of Anatoly constantly forgiving him except for sheer gratitude and love.

"I love you." No, it wasn't often said between them but it needed to be said now.

Anatoly gently cupped Lex's cheek with his hand and leaned in to kiss him slowly and sweetly. "I love you too," he murmured.

For him, it was simply that he loved Lex. His time on the island had taught him not to be afraid of opening his heart, that some things were very much worth fighting for no matter what might happen. With Lex, he had found the sense of safety he had always longed for and the freedom to play chess as his heart desired. With Lex, he was home.

"Would it be too presumptuous of me to ask if we can just go back to bed? Pretend like this whole month never happened?" In other words, what Lex wanted most in the world was to be able to curl up with Anatoly in his arms and Aeneas at their feet. To feel safe in their embrace. Like the family he'd always wanted.

"No," Anatoly shook his head as he took Lex's hand and eagerly tugged him over to the bed. "No, that is - I cannot think of anything that I would rather do then to hold you and never let you go."

Lex was home. His family was home. At this moment, nothing else mattered.